Am I greater than the sum of my parts? Maybe, but what happens when someone actually sees the full picture? There is far less control in that, and much more to be lost. This is a study on the feeling, causes, and effects of self-isolation. When everything seems most volatile, the easiest way to combat it is to confine the universe to my room without daring to let anyone or anything pass through. It is lonely yet intentional, a duality that I hoped to capture in the images themselves.
At times when I truly want to be alone and block out the world, the closet is a refuge. Confined. Dark. Safe. A place for everything, even me.
There is always something looming and larger than life to worry about, even when it doesn't seem fully formed. Out of sight out of mind doesn't work when you can still feel its presence. I try to keep my fingernails short.
Burred edges; where do I end? Where does the water begin? Warm baths help with anxiety, but you can't stay there forever. After a while, the pads of feet begin to mimic the patterns of light dancing in the water.
Are the eyes really the window to the soul, or do they reveal something else entirely? Stress, eye strain, sleep, and the tipping point of nausea can all cause bloodshot eyes. Is my vision getting worse? If it is, what does that mean for my future?
My favorite time of the day is the hour before I fall asleep. Still. Quiet. Any work either completed or tomorrow's problem. Sure, using a phone before bed is poor sleep hygiene, but I don't think mine could get much worse. For the moment, I know peace.
A miracle drug or a cause of misery and isolation? A medication I couldn't function without, but whose recent side effects have made life difficult in a very different way. I think the benefits still outweigh the costs; two steps forward one step back. As the night marches on, every four hours my alarm sounds and I continue to take it.